Some Call Me Sarah

Nothing ever changed by staying the same. Or so I used to think. I've never had a habit of sticking around anywhere very long, but I'm not sure I believe that anymore. I guess it’s as true as it is false. You can try to stay the same and be uprooted. Look at what happens with floods, earthquakes, gentrification. Sometimes things will change right out from under you.  When I was in college, I waited tables at an Old Chicago. We had a regular, Double Meat Me we called him, because that was his order. A meat pizza with double the meat - hold the green olives. I always thought it was kinda gross, but I eat some weird shit so I didn't judge him for it. He was an older guy in his 60's or 70's, originally from Latvia. He was telling me about his life one afternoon, he only came in during happy hour when things were quieter and cheaper. I don't remember his real name, or too much about his story, but what stuck out to me was one thing he said about life in Latvia,

Carl Jung once said, " Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.” I have two thoughts about this. First, why do we use the words "Blah, blah once said"? How do we know how many times someone said something? I repeat myself all the damn time, I know this because my wife has told me so. At any rate, I fucking hope he said it more than once because it's a brilliant fucking thing to say . Now for my second point, which is, Dear Lord, I hope he's right about this because I'm fixing to be 37 in a month and I  could really use a win. A lot of creatives I know, especially those of us who work in commercial art, really struggle. We struggle with confidence, with work life balance, with time management, with being shitty at understanding payroll laws. If that's you, I just want you to know you're not alone, I'm right there with you. I would love to hear what you have to say on this topic. Here's another photo of caul

I've never had a very calculated approach to life. There have been times when I felt badly about being sort of unintentional, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really bother me. I only ever felt bad about because, societally, we love plans. Everyone is on this manifestation kick lately. And that seems to really help a lot of people, I just don't happen to be one of them. I actually quite like the randomness of life. The most interesting things that have happened in my life were completely unplanned.  In 2008, for example, I moved from Minneapolis to Austin, TX. About 3 or 4 days before I was supposed to leave, I found a little dog. It was a funny little creature, black and white mostly and running down the street followed by an unmanned leash scraping the gravel behind it. I assumed that the little dog had gotten out of his yard and that he probably lived nearby. My intention, when I picked up the other end of his leash, was to simply to take him home.

It was an interesting day at the studio today. My phone battery was low, so I didn't play music. It was quiet. And cold. There's no heat at my studio and it was only in the mid 50's today. That gave me some time to reflect, while I slowly set up my lights, backdrops, and hunks of cauliflower, all bundled up in my layers and fingerless gloves.  I've worked in photography most of my life, and yet I still sometimes struggle with believing I know what I'm doing or that I'm any good at it. I saw a tweet the other day that read, 'yall will have imposter syndrome over shit you're actually good at but confidently put 'proficient in excel' on your resume." It was quite possibly the truest statement a stranger has ever written about me. Humanity if full of fucked up contradictions and I like this new and humorous way we have taken to addressing them.  I just finished editing the images from today's shoot, here's what came from today.

Today is the day I start the Cauliflower Project. The idea found me about a year ago and I keep circling back to it. To be honest, I'm still struggling a bit with the point, which has caused me to put off starting it for so long. That is also the reason I have chosen today as a random start date. Beginning the journey without knowing the destination has often been my preferred method of travel.  On to the back story of this whole thing. In January of 2019, I traveled to Raleigh, NC to do a test shoot with photographer, Lauren Vied. For those outside the photo industry, a test shoot is sort of a cross between a personal project, a first date and a job application. They go a little differently for everyone, but for me, it usually involves me reaching out to a few photographers who I would like to work with in the future, or who's work I just really like, and asking them if they want to shoot together sometime and seeing who responds. Much like dating and job applications, most